Fine. I'll sleep in my office
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
