I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
