Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
