Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
