On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
