but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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