He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
did i walk over a car last night?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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