i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
