Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
