What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
