either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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