Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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