I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
