Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
