just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize