He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
