I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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