why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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