my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
