There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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