what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sorry about my life...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
