i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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