I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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