You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
