dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
