im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
