I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I party with great urgency now.
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