i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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