nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
