I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
