Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
