I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
