I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
