I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
