He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
