I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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