ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
porn star boner night. come get it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
