Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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