Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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