Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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