my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
