Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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