11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
