Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
organizing the empties. That sober.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
