I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize