That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
