like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
