So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
this must be what syphilis tastes like
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
