I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
