So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
