Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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