I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I could make wine with my vomit
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
