is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
