If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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