The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
