Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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