I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
