Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
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I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
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They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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