i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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