Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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