i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
