I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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