Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
