omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
