My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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