just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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