Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
