He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
