i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
