so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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