ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
