my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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