Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
