I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
