It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
