I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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