Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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