is your mom at the bar?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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